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Boy Am I Shot

The POD is empty. All of the large items are in the house.

Just freaking done. DONE. We had a nightmare of appliance proportions today:

1. This morning while I was closing up our old place, Aimee rushed ahead with the baby just in time for Best Buy to come and deliver our new washer and dryer. Except the dryer didn’t fit down the stairs. NO, REALLY. Neither doorway was greater than 29 inches, which was the size of the dryer itself. Sonuva…oh well. We skittered off to Sears since they were having a 15% off sale and ordered a smaller dryer that had the same features. Except…

2. While we were at Sears, mom and dad Strauss called us to let us know that the new refrigerator we purchased last Thursday DIDN’T FIT INTO THE FRIDGE SPOT. What the HELL!!? I MEASURED THAT MYSELF. The guy gets on the horn with me and tells me that the fridge is 36 inches wide and that since my width is ~34 inches I’m SOL. That sounds fishy to me because I’m fully aware that I didn’t ORDER a 36 inch wide fridge, I ordered the smaller 33 inch model. What the hell, I ask myself, inquire of the man: You sure you’ve got a 22.4 cu ft model there? Of course he’s sure, it’s 36 inches isn’t it? I tell the guy to take it back and we’ll take care of it here. Except you know what, I’m standing right in front of the 25 cu ft model and let me see what it says the dimensions are for the 22.4 cu ft model: 32 7/8 inches. WELL WHADDAYA KNOW, JACKASS? I was right.

3. This now entails me speaking to 5 different people (well, I think maybe 4 different but one Indian accent threw me for SUCH a loop) over the span of the entire day, wasting a shitton of time only to find out on the 3rd call that yes, they rescheduled my delivery for Monday.

*SCREECH* Monday? MONDAY? IT IS SATURDAY. I HAVE NO REFRIGERATOR IN MY HOUSE. MY CHILD NEEDS REFRIGERATION FOR HIS BOTTLES OR THE MILK WON’T KEEP. After finally getting through to floor supervisor “Homer” on the 5th call, wherein I laid into Indian Girl #24601 that “I need to speak to your manager immediately, I have been hung up on several times now, and I have a 5 month old child who cannot have his food or his medication (slight exaggeration) because of a foulup on your delivery driver’s part, put me through to your manager NOW,” I still have a delivery date of Monday because “Sunday’s schedule is already complete” and an additional $50 for my irritation.

4. Our queen-sized boxspring won’t fit up the stairs. I mean, WON’T fit up them. At all. With the railing off and EVERYTHING. WTF again, mate? WE NEED A SPLIT QUEEN BOXSPRING!! 1-800-M A T T R E S (leave off the last S for SAVINGS, don’tcha know) and that’s coming tomorrow PDQ. WELL THEN

that means tomorrow’s lineup includes:

  • Dish TV guy coming between 8 and noon to set up the new HD DVR and satellite service, with plenty of time before the Giants game.
  • 1-800-M A T T R E S delivering the new boxspring between 11 and 2
  • Sears delivering the new dryer between 1:30 and 3:30

Somewhere in there we have to go get the cats (aw, man. do we HAVE TO??) and I need need NEED to get to Home Depot and Lowe’s to get the stuff we need, like a new programmable thermostat and shower heads and a stud finder and a washer hose and screws…

The joys of home ownership, indeed.